"Your Love"

Gapped heart as wide as the horizon
Glasses on, quicken the blackness of dusk
Said goodbye to dear friends
And the sky's been crying as we travel today
Hide away to feel safe
Hunger is a pain, just like heartache
Feel the silence drowning out all noise
Carry on; on and on
No plan near
Still we run
Ever steady
On and on

Yesterday's manna rotten in my mouth
I did not gather new today
Been fighting against you all day
Beating the air
Cowering in wasted love
Broken

Daddy
"Your love tears me up
When it's done puts me together.
Your love calls me out of my doubt and my failure"

Limp in your arms
Sunglasses on
Hair up
I mouth the words I haven't the strength to voice

"your love tears me up
When it's done puts me together.
Your love calls me out of my doubt and my failure"

Im afraid I'll lose myself if I give myself to You
But it's a battle worth losing
I know it's true



[Quotations taken from Shane and Shane's "Your Love"]

steady, now

One last stop that I can foresee
the months ahead lay shrouded in thickest cover
awaiting living breath to raise them from their unborn slumber
I’ve never been one without a plan
I find that I am without one, now
but I am fully here
My thoughts were always elsewhere
flitting towards the next moment
the present fleeting and forgotten
the past a gray haze
now, the days are full and real
slow, but alive
tangible
filled with whisperings of Fatherly assurance
I am here
I am finally here
How thankful I am for this purposed stall
my slate is clean, and You hold my heart
I knew how to run
now You’re teaching me to walk
what a gloriously simple endeavor
May I never forget the beauty in waiting

Freedom in the face of imperfection

This was a day that beckoned freedom
cool came to relieve us from the sun
but even so I disqualified myself
from hearing the voice of Love


lightening trembled in the deep
and clouds curled in the sky like smoke
and we laid our thoughts down
and let them slide into the gabled roof


our eyes were crafted to behold beauty
I thought I’d find it in perfection
and despised myself for all my flaws
that withheld me from what I craved to be


but we were who we were made to be
and it’s truer now to me
that our lots of imperfection
are our portions of humility


and beauty is not what they thought


it is not bound as some seek to bind it
it is not predetermined by how other eyes perceive it
it is stitched into our hearts
for we bear the God-man’s image


may we see each other in light of Christ’s perspective
and behold the magnificent kisses of our King
that are the marks of beauty
on every created heart


I am finding freedom
in not needing to be God
we are who we were made to be
and that’s a freeing place to be

pressing towards hope

She’ll calls me today
little sister
And ask if anything’s new
Just like she always does
And I find comfort in knowing
That she cares
what I’m up to

I think it’d be humble
to throw away everything
into the can He’s holding for trash
And his eyes would be burning
Too pure to look on evil
Blue as the sea—many times through
And I’d beg to cast away my
Very self
Just for a moment to dwell on
His name

In my core
I know those things are harder
done than said
and it’s painful
to follow through

And listening and words
Have become more profound
Than they ever have
And I am much smaller
Than I had first perceived

pride still chokes me

and I hurt
I need You just as much as ever
some days I don’t let on
but I’m crying in my heart
“Don’t give me a stone.
Daddy, please don’t give me a stone.”

peace reigns
it rings shrill and clear
I’m wandering
but my soul You still

and I press on

I need to find You
I need to know You
more than I’ve ever known before
I need to penetrate
the depths of Your Spirit
and probe the mysteries of Your heart

If I don’t, I will rot
rot out
rot straight through

I must know
I must have hope
I must know You

meditation. day two

One quest
and two quiet mornings
the morning’s late
but my soul is still
the house is quiet
and most rooms are vacant
except for the peace
of one sleeping still
peace comes thick
though my soul is vacant
quiet me down
beneath the heat of the sun
late have I listened
on a quest to know You richly
rich is the time
that is spent with You
my plan is spent
but your eyes burn vivid
the heat of Your compassion
knocks me to the ground
I seek Your face
in my imagination
and dust out fear
that my soul will reign

royalty

I know two kings who married twin queens
And I sat in their presence—in their very presence
Wise as wisdom grows with age
And they love me richly, they do
I’m pained to live so far away
What I’d give for a set of days
To sit in their kitchens
Sit in their kitchen as one king makes pies
Fashioned with skill—as one learned in the art
What I’d give for a set of days
To sit in their kitchens
Sit in their kitchen as the other couple plays
Gospel songs from golden days
Days that passed many years ago
If you say we bless you, the blessing’s all mine
Just to listen to your voices
Is like sugar for my heart
And these sweet queens
And gentle kings
Give me hugs and loving kisses
And bake me cookies
And say I’m growing up to be a sweet young lady
And I can’t believe a queen would say
Such words, such blessings to me
And I’m pained to live so far away
For I’d give anything for a set of days
To watch them in the ways they love
And walk with seasoned poise
I know two kings who married twin queens
Grandpa, Grandma, great aunt and uncle
They’re royalty,
To me